A downer

I guess I could write it down, I guess I could tell the wife, but I guess im writing it here, no one sees my blog, yet all the ppl that see it dont know me in real life.
I know Im in that stage again, I can feel the rebound, I can feel my shirts getting alittle tighter, so why the fuck am i not doing anything about it.

I can blame many things but I should be blaming myself, last night wife had work from 4pm, thats give the whole night to binge eat. 11pm I'm still hungry I go and rent some dvds out, get some snacks from the convience store, Im eating like a pig, I think for a second and then what the hell to it. All gone

I'm in that cycle, that frame of mind, that bullshit that I cant get out, should I ask a friendly site to help me, for them to judge me? should I?

I really need to get out of this place that Im in, do it do it now, U need to stop, stop taking money out with u, stop at stopping at convience stores, start eating healthier, start drinking more water. greentea, start EXERCISING! START GOING FOR THEM WALKS, START GOING TO THE GYM.
I have 4hr free time today between lesssons Ive packed my bags for the gym, now it depends if I will go or not, I want to go but does this sickness, Is it a sickness is it me being silly. Probably but I need to change, really I can see me falling back to the same stage 2 years ago where i lost the weight and then place it back on b4 I heading back to England.

Im typing coz I just scaled myself and im 136.8kg fuck! A shocker a downer, Im gutted.
I know the wife suppects ive put weight on, i know she knows. I have to stop now.

Ill report here tomorrow andtell u if ive changed, (fingers crossed)

******************

Just a quick update, eat much healthier today, I think im still eating too much white bread.
Banana on toast no butter and a kiwi, 12noon Odon and rice, Banana, 3pm Apple, 4.30 banana sandwich (2 slices of bread) 7.30pm Chicken on white bread (2 slices)

Didnt go to the gym too bloody cold but planning to go for a walk this evening..

I let myself down

135KG DEAD ON A MAJOR 5KG UP IN A MONTH ;(

Since I got since after getting chicken pox my diet has been out on limp. My whole diet is on hold, and really think i just cant be arsed to do so. I really its down to lazyness and playing a silly game in the mornings instead of going for a walks.

I know for a fact that I've been going to go to convience store in the mormnings and after coming from work and buying bread, or sweet bread. THIS HAS TO STOP!

FROM NOW ON IM BACK TO THE WAY I WAS B4, so NO STOPPING AT CONVIENCE STORES,

I SHOULD ALSO BE MAKING MY OWN OBENTO's AND TAKE MY OWN DRINK TO WORK

Hitting that mark.

I hit 130.2kg today. The last 6weeks have been not so good.

I recently caught Chicken pox in the first days of the New Year. In the morning of going to see Avatar in 3D I felt shit, I felt tired, I felt that I've been staying up to late. So most of the day I slept. Trying to sleep it off for the movie in the evening. After the movie, which I must say is very good and if u havent seen it yet u should on the big screen.
I came back not feeling very hunary and went to bed I woke up a few times feeling very hot and sweaty but I didnt think I was ill. Or even have a fever.

The next day when the wife came home she said that I had spots on my face, I didnt think it was chicken pox I thought I had an allegric. I know that I didnt have it when I was a kid but I did have the injection to prevent from getting it.
My temp rose to 39.4. I found it hard to eat coz I had blister in my mouth and throat, I even had blisters on my priavte parts >.<

For a week all I could eat was Jellu and Homemade banana milkshakes and icecream.
My weight dropped down to 129kg, you cant really count that since my lack of food and because when I got better and fancied a Macdonalds set and to eat some chocolate. I hide the rubbish in my bedroom >.< then forgot about it.

My wife found it and did her nut. Rebound!! Rebound!! she shouted you gonna put that weight back on that you lost.
Its hard to explain my action, u know I just fancied that! Then go back to a healthier lifestyle again, sometimes we can do that, but for my wife or her mother they dont think like that.
In a way it was good that she found it, coz now I'm back on track! To be honest my weight did creep up back to 132kg but when I saw that, its time to stop!!

Little by little I'm getting into exercising again. I havent been to the gym I just slack at that Ive started to go walking again, and go back to Kempo. I havent been swimming coz my bodies been covered with spots. I havent been cycling coz its too dam bloody cold!

So now Im 130.2kg. Thats good news right?
Need to get down to my wedding weight at 115kg before I head back to England for the summer!

Weigh in

132.8kg cant complain, had a rough week! Need to focus

My will power let me down

Its been a terrible week, on Friday I was Santa claus and was given biscuits for a thank you gift, after going home I eat alot of them, I guess I was just in a bored mood, (boredom moods are the worst, I know.. I felt bad. Then makes things worst I eat 5 slices of raisin bread in one day, white raisin bread, bloody hell it tastes great but eating too much of it was another mistake, if i eat things in moderation I wont feel guilty.

Its been snowing also pretty heavy too. I think going to Gero Onsen tomorrow will be called off. Shame would have been great to been in the Onsen and have snow falling while ur in an outside bath.

Tomorrow is weigh in, not really looking forward to it, oh well I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Weights Ahoy!!

The 7th of Decemeber I was at 134.8kg Ive wrote it down on paper just not in here.

It's that time again, weigh in time, BOOM 133.2kg sweet!!!

I did work hard last week for it thou, went for a walk in the morning b4 work about a 40mins workout. Well I dont suppose u can call it a workout, just a walk really.
Also started back at the gym after a dodgy back left me out in the cold .
Abit worried about putting my back out again that I completely quit the gym until I have confidence that my back was feeling ok.

At the weekend I went to Yamachan. Its a chain restuarant and sell a famous Tebesaki chicken, I meet a guy from work at Kanayama.

I have to hide them

I have to stop weighing myself everyday, mid week I weighed meself and I was up 135.6kg. So I start thinking, how the heck have I added weight? Did I read correctly on Monday weigh in? All this unnessary bullshitting thinking is not needed. There is no need to weigh myself every bloody day. I never used to do it. I've now hidden the scales in the spare room away from my eyes. Hopefully my tempation not to scale myself will work.

Anyhow tomorrow will be weigh in again. Today is my rest day, I feel hopeless thou, I feel I should be doing some exercises. Just relax, chillout. I think I'm gonna make a big batch of chicken curry.

Last night I had buri fish (yellowtail back) I mariated in Soysause and mirin and then grilled it. God dam its bloody nice. So its 1 big spoon of soysauce and half a spoon of mirin, dry the fish first with a paper towel, add to the mariated sauce and then it infuse. About 30mins and its ready, u can leave it for longer if u want. Then just grill it. Perfect!!